Gordon's Complicated Feelings for Dennis

Gordon's ambivalent relationship with his older brother Dennis, ranging from admiration to resentment to grief.

increasingBearing stren­gth in each eventdecreasing

The Golden Child

The Golden Child The Shadow Dennis is the focus of his parents' attention. Gordon lives in his shadow, feeling invisible. He resents the constant comparisons and the way Dennis is held up as the ideal. The Rare Moments Despite the resentment, Gordon has fond memories of Dennis: reading bedtime stories, teaching him cribbage, and taking him to baseball practice. These moments are precious but rare. The Ambivalence Gordon does not hate Dennis, but he does not idolize him either. He sees him as just a guy. The ambivalence is confusing; he feels guilty for not feeling more grief.

The Death and Its Aftermath

The Death and Its Aftermath The News Dennis is killed in a Jeep accident. Gordon cries at the funeral, but later realizes his tears were more for his parents than for Dennis. He feels guilty for not being more devastated. The Haunted Room Dennis's room is preserved as a shrine. Gordon is haunted by the thought of Dennis's ghost in the closet. The room becomes a symbol of his parents' grief and his own invisibility. The Writing Gordon later writes about Dennis in 'Stud City,' using fiction to process his feelings. The story is a way to control the narrative and understand his own emotions. He never shows it to his parents.

Throughout childhood

April 1960 and after