1960s, during David Sheff’s adolescence
A Drug-Filled Adolescence
Growing up in [Scottsdale](entity:location-recall-location-scottsdale-505e5b8dd3a6), [David Sheff](entity:character-recall-character-david-sheff-62dd2f4fc44d) remembers an apparently ordinary suburban childhood shadowed by drugs, accidents, and tragedy. As a high-school freshman in 1968, he tries [Marijuana](entity:object-recall-object-marijuana-a03d76e7a03b) and discovers how it eases loneliness and insecurity while making the world feel more vivid.
He later takes LSD and other drugs, often rationalizing the experiences as curiosity or exploration. His own history will complicate the warnings he gives his son: David knows the appeal firsthand, but he underestimates how little that knowledge can protect [Nic Sheff](entity:character-recall-character-nic-sheff-b4e34fab3d75).
During David Sheff’s college years, after he transfers to Berkeley
Charles and Crystal Meth
At college, David becomes close to [Charles](entity:character-recall-character-charles-da7b85dace89), a charismatic roommate whose stories and appetites make dissipation seem adventurous. One night Charles brings home [Methamphetamine](entity:object-recall-object-methamphetamine-a86806198dfb) in place of cocaine, and David snorts it once, experiencing an intense rush followed by a bleak, agitated comedown.
David never uses it again, but Charles returns repeatedly to the drug and later suffers crashes, overdoses, hospitalizations, and incarceration. Charles eventually dies shortly before his fortieth birthday, leaving David with a personal reason to fear Methamphetamine when Nic later admits using it.
Early 1980s, before Nic Sheff’s birth
Marriage and Pregnancy
David and [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9) build a home together in [Berkeley](entity:location-recall-location-berkeley-4193e5045bd8) and prepare for the arrival of their first child. Their expectation of parenthood is joyful and consuming, even as the marriage that will shape Nic’s childhood is beginning to fracture.
David later looks back on his own mistakes and the pain of the separation without claiming that either explains the addiction that follows. The story begins, instead, with the optimism and vulnerability that accompany a child’s birth.
July 20, 1982
Nic Is Born
[Nic Sheff](entity:character-recall-character-nic-sheff-b4e34fab3d75) is born at dawn, and David and [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9) are overwhelmed by the small child they have imagined and prepared for. In the first years, David remembers songs, books, toys, elaborate play, and a boy whose humor and inventiveness seem to fill every room.
This vivid portrait of Nic’s early joy becomes an emotional counterweight to the later scenes of addiction. David’s memories insist that the child and the young man in crisis belong to the same life, even when the drug makes Nic seem unrecognizable.
Nic Sheff’s early childhood, around 1985
The Marriage Breaks Apart
As David and [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9)’s marriage deteriorates, David falls in love with a family friend and tells a couples therapist that the marriage is over. During the parents’ arguments, young Nic retreats to the stuffed pandas that make him feel safe.
The separation brings a painful division of the family and, eventually, a long-distance custody arrangement. David recognizes that the arrangement gives each parent time with Nic but requires the child to carry the cost of their geographic and emotional divide.
After Vicki moves to Los Angeles, during Nic Sheff’s early childhood
A Custody Decision
With [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9) living in [Los Angeles](entity:location-recall-location-los-angeles-11eff639bdf5), the informal shared arrangement becomes unworkable. David and Vicki ask a child psychologist, who has spent months evaluating the family, to recommend a plan for Nic.
The psychologist assigns Nic the school year with David and holidays and summers with Vicki. The decision settles the legal question but not the emotional one: Nic must repeatedly leave one parent, travel alone as he grows older, and try to belong in two separate homes.
Nic Sheff’s elementary-school years, late 1980s
A Boy of Many Inventions
In [San Francisco](entity:location-recall-location-san-francisco-8a14902ce523), Nic thrives as an imaginative, funny child who builds elaborate Lego worlds, invents characters, writes comic observations, and earns praise from teachers for his creativity and kindness. His schoolwork and friendships give David reassuring evidence that the boy is doing well despite the divided family.
Nic’s charm is not a guarantee against future trouble, but it helps explain why early warning signs are easy to dismiss. David comes to understand how readily a parent’s confidence in a child can become confidence that nothing serious is wrong.
After David and Vicki’s separation, before David meets Karen
The End of David’s Rebound
David’s next romantic relationship ends when his girlfriend leaves for South America, adding his own heartbreak and instability to Nic’s childhood. David eventually recognizes that his dating life is not providing Nic with the steadiness he needs, and he takes time away from relationships to reflect and enter therapy.
The episode deepens David’s later self-questioning about the consequences of his choices. He knows that his parenting was imperfect, but he cannot determine which past decisions had any bearing on Nic’s eventual addiction.
1989 and the years immediately afterward
Karen Joins the Family
David meets [Karen Barbour](entity:character-recall-character-karen-barbour-c497fbec05a5) at a dinner party, and a friendship becomes a long-distance romance. After [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) moves from New York to [San Francisco](entity:location-recall-location-san-francisco-8a14902ce523), she and Nic spend hours drawing together, gradually making a relationship neither of them had expected.
David and Karen marry, and Nic is relieved that the household still feels like home. Karen becomes an important presence in his life while also confronting the difficult limits of being a stepparent to a boy who already has a mother he loves.
Nic Sheff’s later elementary-school years
A New Home in Inverness
The family moves from [Sausalito](entity:location-recall-location-sausalito-c57c32a4b5c8) to a house in [Inverness](entity:location-recall-location-inverness-dc18a544e44d), where Nic discovers the beaches, bays, and open landscapes of West Marin. He takes up surfing with growing passion, and the ocean becomes a place where he and David share time and conversation.
Nic settles into a new school and makes friends, while continuing to show the intelligence, humor, and sensitivity his parents admire. The family’s outdoor life seems to offer a sustaining refuge, though no place can shield him from adolescent pressures or drugs.
October 1993
The Klaas Murder
The kidnapping and murder of Polly Klaas, a twelve-year-old girl taken from her home in Petaluma, horrifies families throughout the area. Nic and his schoolmates speculate about the crime, while adults struggle to explain a danger they cannot control.
The event intensifies the parents’ vigilance and the children’s anxieties. David remembers it as part of a wider atmosphere in which frightening stories about violence, drugs, and the vulnerability of children circulate through school and family life.
December 1993
Jasper Arrives
[Jasper Sheff](entity:character-recall-character-jasper-sheff-08582e3ec0d6) is born, and Nic comes to the hospital to meet his new brother. He helps bathe and dress the baby and tells [Nancy](entity:character-recall-character-nancy-371993dde326) that he never expected to have a family like this.
David and [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) try to make the transition gentle, aware that a new baby could unsettle a child from an earlier marriage. Nic appears enchanted by [Jasper](entity:character-recall-character-jasper-a1e1f2fe4259), and the brothers begin a close bond that will later make Nic’s absences especially painful for the younger children.
April 1994
The Death of Kurt Cobain
After attending a Nirvana concert with David, Nic learns that Kurt Cobain has died by suicide. The news devastates him; the music that had been a constant presence in his room now carries the shock of a lost idol.
David cannot know what the event means to Nic, but he sees how deeply the death affects him. In retrospect, the episode sits amid the adolescent music and stories of despair that become part of Nic’s emotional world.
June 7, 1995
Daisy Is Born
[Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) gives birth by C-section to [Daisy Sheff](entity:character-recall-character-daisy-sheff-0235ace00a37), whom the family calls [Daisy](entity:character-recall-character-daisy-bd3669936505). Nic and [Jasper](entity:character-recall-character-jasper-a1e1f2fe4259) visit her in the hospital, and Nic helps with the newborn’s first bath.
At home, Nic reads to Jasper, cooks breakfast, and plays with his little brother while Daisy sleeps nearby. David looks at the three children and feels the joy of family alongside the vulnerability that comes with loving people whose safety he cannot guarantee.
Around age twelve, during seventh grade
Nic’s First Drink and Cigarette
After David smells cigarette smoke on Nic, Nic admits that he has taken a few puffs with other boys. Later, David finds a small bag of [Marijuana](entity:object-recall-object-marijuana-a03d76e7a03b) in Nic’s backpack and confronts him.
Nic says he tried it out of curiosity and insists it was no big deal. He also admits that he and a friend secretly drank a mixture of liquor during a ski trip, then lied to their parents by letting them believe the boys had the flu. The revelations unsettle David, but Nic’s apparent candor and promise to stop reassure him more than they should.
May, during Nic Sheff’s seventh-grade year
Nic Is Found with Marijuana
When David searches Nic’s backpack for a sweater, he finds [Marijuana](entity:object-recall-object-marijuana-a03d76e7a03b). Nic admits that he and a friend have tried it, says that nearly everyone does, and names the boy who supplied it.
David and [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) ground Nic, talk with him about peer pressure, and contact the other boy’s parents. Nic appears contrite and says he will not try it again. David later treats the incident as an aberration and believes that the punishment and conversations have worked.
Nic Sheff’s eighth-grade year
Surfing and New Possibilities
After the marijuana incident, Nic seems more settled. He spends time surfing, applies himself at school, reads widely, and grows excited about being accepted to a demanding local high school.
On a remarkable evening surf, fog separates David and Nic in the water before David finally sees his son riding a wave with confidence. On the drive home, Nic talks about his hopes for the school and says that everything seems promising. The scene preserves the closeness and possibility that David will later grieve.
Nic Sheff’s freshman year of high school
A New School and a New Mentor
Nic begins at a small school with strong programs in the arts, sciences, and humanities. He finds friends, acts in a play, and does well in class, giving the family another reason to believe that he is thriving.
That spring, the school calls David and [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90): Nic has been suspended for buying [Marijuana](entity:object-recall-object-marijuana-a03d76e7a03b) on campus. The dean treats the incident as a serious mistake but gives Nic another chance, arranging counseling and connecting him with Don, a teacher and surfer who becomes a steady mentor.
After Nic’s suspension, during his sophomore year
Don Draws Nic into Swimming
Don checks in with Nic, takes him surfing, and keeps encouraging him to join the swim team. Nic resists, then agrees to attend a practice; he discovers that he is strong in the water and soon joins the water-polo team as well.
Nic says he wants to please Don, whose attention gives him a source of structure and belonging. David and [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) watch Nic become a team leader, while Don also encourages his interest in marine biology and a summer program at the [University of California, San Diego](entity:organization-recall-organization-university-of-ca-a85e4abc14be).
Junior year of high school, around 1998–99
Nic’s Strong Junior Year
Nic becomes deeply involved in school life, serving as an editor and columnist for the student newspaper and writing forcefully about politics, social issues, and his own failures to stand up for a gay family friend. He wins a high-school journalism award.
He also publishes a personal essay in [Newsweek](entity:organization-recall-organization-newsweek-d7ba45865e13) criticizing the long-distance custody arrangement. His account gives public voice to a feeling he has carried for years: he is always missing someone. David is proud of Nic’s writing but cannot undo the childhood divided between two homes.
Summer before Nic Sheff’s senior year
A Summer in Paris
Nic attends a language program in [Paris](entity:location-recall-location-paris-c02b439ce220), where he reports that he is enjoying the city and making friends. After he returns, however, David notices that he looks unwell and seems angry and withdrawn.
A doctor diagnoses Nic with an ulcer, an alarming finding in a seventeen-year-old. Nic later explains that he spent much of the summer drinking heavily, sleeping in a boat on the Seine after passing out, and smuggling wine home. The experience marks an early period when drinking has moved beyond ordinary experimentation.
After his return from Paris, during senior year
Nic’s Senior-Year Withdrawal
Nic maintains good grades but begins cutting classes, leaving activities, and spending more time with local boys who use drugs. He tells David that he is only using [Marijuana](entity:object-recall-object-marijuana-a03d76e7a03b) occasionally and dismisses the warnings, while David struggles to distinguish drug use from adolescent distance.
The school’s longtime mentor, Don, leaves his position, and no one has the same influence on Nic. Despite teachers’ growing concerns about his absences and withdrawal, Nic is accepted to several colleges and graduates from high school.
Summer after Nic’s high-school graduation
Nic’s Graduation Night
Nic attends a supposedly safe graduation celebration with friends after his family gathers for his graduation. At the party, he tries Ecstasy, then other drugs, and eventually [Methamphetamine](entity:object-recall-object-methamphetamine-a86806198dfb); he later says that the first Methamphetamine high made him feel better than he had ever felt.
The night marks a rapid escalation from the drinking and [Marijuana](entity:object-recall-object-marijuana-a03d76e7a03b) use David had been monitoring. Nic’s new drug use begins to change his behavior and priorities, although the full extent remains hidden from his family.
Shortly before Nic turns eighteen
Nic’s First Disappearance
As Nic’s drug use and behavior worsen, he leaves home with cash, food, and wine. He and his friends go to [Death Valley](entity:location-recall-location-death-valley-1c9c711dd463) on a drug-fueled trip, and David waits anxiously before Nic finally returns.
David grounds him and makes an arrangement for him to repay what he stole. Nic protests that his father is trying to control him, while David continues to believe that rules and consequences can still turn the situation around.
Soon after Nic turns eighteen
Nic Is Arrested
Sheriff’s deputies arrive while [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) is preparing to take the younger children to the beach and arrest Nic for failing to appear in court after a [Marijuana](entity:object-recall-object-marijuana-a03d76e7a03b) citation. [Jasper](entity:character-recall-character-jasper-a1e1f2fe4259) is the one who reacts openly, crying for an hour as the adults try to understand what has happened.
David bails Nic out, believing the arrest may teach him a lesson. Nic continues to work as a barista and remains affectionate with Jasper and [Daisy](entity:character-recall-character-daisy-bd3669936505), making it difficult for David to reconcile the loving brother with the increasingly reckless young man.
Late summer after high-school graduation
Nic Leaves for Berkeley
Nic chooses [Berkeley](entity:location-recall-location-berkeley-4193e5045bd8) and moves into a dormitory with students who seem studious and friendly. At first he talks about classes and painting, but soon he complains about his courses, spends time away from the dorm, and stops returning David’s calls.
A roommate eventually calls to say Nic has been missing for days. Nic later admits that college is not working and says he is depressed and needs time away. David accepts the explanation and allows him to come home, still hoping that a smaller college and a fresh start will solve the problem.
After Nic leaves Berkeley
Nic Returns Home and Applies Again
Back at home, Nic promises to work, attend therapy, honor curfews, and apply to other colleges. He is accepted to [Hampshire College](entity:location-recall-location-hampshire-college-81e03fb2bb4e), and David interprets the news as evidence that Nic is back on a promising path.
Nic spends much of his free time alone in his room, but David has difficulty recognizing how severe the problem has become. The belief that college will restore Nic’s direction remains an appealing explanation for a crisis David does not yet understand.
Before Nic’s eighteenth birthday, after returning from Berkeley
Nic Goes Missing for Four Days
When Nic misses curfew, David and [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) search for him by calling friends, hospitals, and police. The family spends four days imagining accidents, jail, or death while trying to protect [Jasper](entity:character-recall-character-jasper-a1e1f2fe4259) and [Daisy](entity:character-recall-character-daisy-bd3669936505) from the full force of their fear.
Nic finally calls from [San Rafael](entity:location-recall-location-ca7e6ffe2939), saying he is in trouble. David finds him behind a bookstore, bruised, gaunt, and barely conscious, and carries him to the car. Nic briefly agrees that he needs rehabilitation, but once he recovers enough to argue, he refuses to go.
Immediately after his first disappearance
Nic Admits Meth Use
David presses Nic to enter treatment, but Nic insists that the episode was a mistake and that he can stop by himself. When David asks what drug he used, Nic reveals that it was [Methamphetamine](entity:object-recall-object-methamphetamine-a86806198dfb).
For David, the admission connects Nic’s crisis to the destructive drug he encountered through [Charles](entity:character-recall-character-charles-da7b85dace89) years earlier. Nic’s insistence that he has learned his lesson offers hope, but his continuing refusal of treatment makes clear that the family cannot rely on promises alone.
The days after Nic’s return from San Rafael
David Forces a Rehab Evaluation
After Nic disappears again and returns sick and rambling, David researches treatment options and takes him to [Thunder Road](entity:location-recall-location-thunder-road-0614a01cde64). The counselor tells David that Nic is in serious danger and that the program is not suitable for his level of resistance, but urges immediate treatment elsewhere.
Nic remains angry, high, and determined to leave. David searches for another open bed and takes him to [Ohlhoff Recovery House](entity:location-recall-location-ohlhoff-recovery-hou-7d1bca4d9b6d), where Nic is accepted into a twenty-eight-day program despite denying that he is an addict.
Shortly after the San Rafael disappearance
Nic Enters Ohlhoff
David brings Nic to [Ohlhoff Recovery House](entity:location-recall-location-ohlhoff-recovery-hou-7d1bca4d9b6d), where Nic signs the admission form and is told he cannot call home during his first week. David leaves feeling both relieved that Nic is somewhere safe and guilty, as though he has betrayed his son by making him stay.
At home, David removes drug paraphernalia from Nic’s bedroom. The family begins a cycle of treatment, hope, and uncertainty, while counselors explain that addiction affects the whole household and that loved ones cannot control an addict’s choices.
After Nic completes his first month at Ohlhoff
Nic Vanishes from the Halfway House
Nic decides he needs more time in treatment and moves into Ohlhoff’s halfway house. Three days later he disappears, leaving David and [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) to repeat the calls to hospitals and police and to explain his absence to [Jasper](entity:character-recall-character-jasper-a1e1f2fe4259) and [Daisy](entity:character-recall-character-daisy-bd3669936505).
David searches the streets and parks of [San Francisco](entity:location-recall-location-san-francisco-8a14902ce523), asking strangers whether they have seen Nic. In [Golden Gate Park](entity:location-recall-location-golden-gate-park-afd2d98f8163) he speaks with a young woman addicted to [Methamphetamine](entity:object-recall-object-methamphetamine-a86806198dfb), whose account of running away, treatment, and street life makes Nic’s possible future terrifyingly concrete.
After days of absence from the Ohlhoff halfway house
Nic Returns to Treatment in Napa
Nic eventually contacts David from a former girlfriend’s home. He is bruised, exhausted, and still resisting treatment, but David persuades him to try again. Nic imagines several escape plans before agreeing to enter [St. Helena Hospital](entity:organization-recall-organization-st-helena-hospit-30c6711a68b3).
David and [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) take him to the hospital, where Nic clings to David’s arm before going inside. The family hopes that the more structured program, with medical support and longer family sessions, will give him a better chance than the short first stay.
During Nic’s treatment at St. Helena
The St. Helena Family Groups
At family sessions, David and [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) hear how addiction can be understood as a disease while still requiring the person in recovery to take responsibility for treatment. Nic struggles with the twelve steps and rejects the language of God and a Higher Power, though he can accept that drugs have made his life unmanageable.
Nic also admits that his drinking in [Paris](entity:location-recall-location-paris-c02b439ce220) preceded his daily [Marijuana](entity:object-recall-object-marijuana-a03d76e7a03b) use and that [Methamphetamine](entity:object-recall-object-methamphetamine-a86806198dfb) followed his experimentation with other drugs. Hearing him acknowledge his addiction gives David cautious hope, but the stories of other families show how uncertain recovery remains.
During a family group session at St. Helena
Nic Confronts Kevin
In a group attended by patients and relatives, Nic challenges Kevin, a patient who has assaulted his wife, for acting arrogantly and failing to listen or understand his addiction. Nic says he is speaking because he fears Kevin will leave treatment before his wife and children are safe.
Kevin’s wife admits that she does not trust him and warns him against hurting her again. Nic’s intervention shows that, even while struggling with his own recovery, he can recognize danger and speak up for someone else.
After about four weeks at St. Helena
Nic Graduates from St. Helena
Nic completes the program and tells David and [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) that he wants to go to college after all. At first David clings to the familiar hope that Nic can quickly resume a conventional path, but Nic persuades him that he understands the conditions: meetings, a sponsor, and consequences if he relapses.
Nic then asks to move into the program’s halfway house rather than return directly home. David agrees, recognizing that the extra structure may protect Nic even as he longs for the treatment to be over.
First semester at Hampshire College
Nic Relapses at Hampshire
Nic moves to [Hampshire College](entity:location-recall-location-hampshire-college-81e03fb2bb4e), lives in a substance-free dorm, attends meetings, and works with a sponsor and a counselor. For a time, his regular calls reassure David that he is managing college and recovery.
Then Nic stops answering. A friend finds him high in his room, and David prepares to withdraw financial support. The college counselor urges patience, explaining that relapse can be part of recovery; David struggles to accept the idea without mistaking it for safety.
During Nic’s second semester at Hampshire
Nic Finds a Writing Mentor
After acknowledging his relapse, Nic returns to meetings and reconnects with school. He submits a story for a writing class and is admitted after the professor asks whether he is an addict; the teacher offers to help him become a better writer if he stays sober.
Nic seems engaged in school, has a sponsor, and begins a relationship with [Julia](entity:character-recall-character-julia-dd9a6077f139). David visits them in Boston and is impressed by their energy and intellectual curiosity, allowing himself to believe that Nic has put [Methamphetamine](entity:object-recall-object-methamphetamine-a86806198dfb) behind him.
Late spring, after Nic’s first year at Hampshire
Nic Confesses His Relapse
Nic returns home and the family welcomes him, expecting to prepare for his planned summer in China with [Julia](entity:character-recall-character-julia-dd9a6077f139). Instead, he admits that he has been using throughout the semester and during the time he seemed to be thriving.
He leaves the house, and David is devastated when [Jasper](entity:character-recall-character-jasper-a1e1f2fe4259) and [Daisy](entity:character-recall-character-daisy-bd3669936505) ask where their brother has gone. The confession shatters the belief that grades, a writing opportunity, and a loving relationship can protect Nic from addiction.
After Nic leaves home following his confession
The First Al-Anon Meeting
David and [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) attend an [Al-Anon](entity:organization-recall-organization-al-anon-93c00a8ba61a) meeting, where David initially feels out of place but soon recognizes that the people in the room share his fear and grief. When he says that his son is gone and he does not know where he is, the act of speaking brings relief.
The meeting introduces David to the Three Cs: he did not cause the addiction, cannot control it, and cannot cure it. He hears the principle but continues to blame himself, measuring his past choices against the possibility that he might have prevented Nic’s decline.
Around Nic’s twentieth birthday
Nic’s Injection Use Is Revealed
Nic’s former girlfriend, [Julia](entity:character-recall-character-julia-dd9a6077f139), tells David that Nic stole hypodermic needles and morphine from her mother, who needs the medication for cancer. David realizes that Nic has moved from smoking and snorting drugs to injecting them.
Julia warns the parents not to give Nic money while he is using. The disclosure changes the scale of David’s fear: the danger is no longer an abstract possibility but a direct threat to Nic’s life.
After Nic moves to Brooklyn
A Brooklyn Overdose
Nic settles in [Brooklyn](entity:location-recall-location-b0361f31948e), finds a job, and says he intends to return to school, but he also claims that [Marijuana](entity:object-recall-object-marijuana-a03d76e7a03b) and alcohol are acceptable ways to steady himself. One Sunday morning his stepfather calls David: Nic has overdosed and is on life support in a Brooklyn hospital.
The doctor says Nic may survive because the emergency team arrived quickly. David prepares to fly to New York, but before he can leave, he learns that Nic has pulled out his medical lines and checked himself out against medical advice.
The morning after the Brooklyn overdose
Nic Chooses Treatment Again
After leaving the hospital, Nic calls David from his apartment. He is frightened and depressed, and this time he asks for help returning to treatment rather than insisting that he can manage alone.
David flies to New York and stays with Nic overnight. The next day Nic enters [Hazelden](entity:location-recall-location-hazelden-aea60b531cad)’s longer program in [Manhattan](entity:location-recall-location-5e470c74b89c), a more extended approach intended to combine treatment with work or school and the routines of daily life.
After Nic begins Hazelden’s New York program
Nic Builds a Life in Recovery
Nic attends meetings and treatment, then moves to [Los Angeles](entity:location-recall-location-los-angeles-11eff639bdf5) after [Hazelden](entity:location-recall-location-hazelden-aea60b531cad) closes its New York inpatient program. At [Herbert House](entity:location-recall-location-herbert-house-647e3c33dfd5), he follows house rules, works with a sponsor, and joins an outpatient program; he also takes a job helping patients at [Promises](entity:location-recall-location-promises-c21de526ac6e).
His calls sound more like the Nic David remembers, and Nic reports that biking, work, and recovery friends are helping him build a life. At twenty-one, he appears strong and engaged, and the family cautiously begins spending time with him again.
Late summer after Nic turns twenty-one
Nic Reunites with His Siblings
After a period of caution, [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90), [Jasper](entity:character-recall-character-jasper-a1e1f2fe4259), and [Daisy](entity:character-recall-character-daisy-bd3669936505) join David in [Los Angeles](entity:location-recall-location-los-angeles-11eff639bdf5) to see Nic. The family spends time on beaches and visits museums, sharing meals and jokes as Nic reconnects with his younger siblings.
The visits do not erase the history of fear, but they allow affection to return to daily life. Nic remains in contact with David and builds friendships and routines that seem to support his recovery.
After Nic’s first year in recovery
Eighteen Months of Sobriety
Nic celebrates a year of sobriety and continues building a life in [Los Angeles](entity:location-recall-location-los-angeles-11eff639bdf5). He works, bikes, attends meetings, and relies on [Randy](entity:character-recall-character-randy-506bf2ddf89a) when a romance ends and he feels overwhelmed.
For David, each success is meaningful but difficult to trust. He has seen Nic return to health before only to relapse, yet he allows himself to enjoy the renewed relationship and the possibility that this time may be different.
During Nic’s later period of sobriety, before his next disappearance
Moondog Is Euthanized
As Nic becomes harder to reach, the family loses Moondog, whose cancer has left him in severe pain. A veterinarian comes to the house, and David and [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) stay with the dog as he is put to sleep and buried in the garden.
The loss deepens the sadness in a household already living with uncertainty about Nic. The younger children help make a memorial, while the parents try to keep ordinary family life moving.
After roughly eighteen months of sobriety
Nic Relapses and Disappears
Nic stops returning calls and misses work and plans with friends. His mother discovers that he is missing, and the family contacts his coworkers, friends, police, and hospitals; tracking information suggests that his phone moves through Sacramento, Reno, and Billings.
Several days later, a stranger answers Nic’s phone and says that Nic gave it to him at a [Los Angeles](entity:location-recall-location-los-angeles-11eff639bdf5) bus station. [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9) eventually learns that Nic has called from [San Francisco](entity:location-recall-location-san-francisco-8a14902ce523) and is high. The family is forced back into the familiar cycle of panic, searching, and helplessness.
The weeks after Nic’s disappearance from Los Angeles
Nic Returns to the Streets
David searches [San Francisco](entity:location-recall-location-san-francisco-8a14902ce523)’s neighborhoods for Nic while the family waits for news. Nic begins breaking into the homes of David’s friends and family, sleeping in places where he has been loved and leaving evidence of drug use behind.
When [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90) sees Nic driving past their home, she follows him in the family’s battered car but eventually realizes she cannot make him stop. The intrusion and pursuit show how addiction has drawn the whole family into dangerous, irrational patterns.
After his relapse in San Francisco
Nic Returns to Los Angeles for Help
Nic calls David and admits that he is using [Methamphetamine](entity:object-recall-object-methamphetamine-a86806198dfb) and heroin. David tells him to contact [Randy](entity:character-recall-character-randy-506bf2ddf89a) rather than rescuing him himself; Randy urges Nic to return to [Los Angeles](entity:location-recall-location-los-angeles-11eff639bdf5), and Nic eventually makes the trip.
In Los Angeles, Nic sleeps through the initial crash and begins detoxing. David and [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9) feel relief but do not mistake the return for recovery. Nic’s relapse has again endangered him and damaged the trust that had begun to grow.
June 2, 2005
David Suffers a Brain Hemorrhage
David suddenly develops an explosive headache and collapses. Doctors diagnose a subarachnoid hemorrhage, insert a shunt to relieve pressure, and transfer him to the neuro intensive-care unit at [UCSF Medical Center](entity:location-recall-location-ucsf-medical-center-a48fb2cde231).
Confused and unable to remember his own name or the year, David becomes fixated on calling Nic but cannot recall the full phone number. The episode makes the limits of memory and control intimate: even in his own medical crisis, he remains consumed by fear for his son.
Two weeks after the June 2005 hemorrhage
David Recovers at Home
After treatment and recovery in the hospital, David returns home and slowly resumes reading, walking, and spending time with [Jasper](entity:character-recall-character-jasper-a1e1f2fe4259) and [Daisy](entity:character-recall-character-daisy-bd3669936505). Nic visits, holds his father’s hand, and tells him that he thought the family might lose him.
David is grateful to be alive but recognizes that the hemorrhage has not erased his worry about Nic. Instead, the experience gradually clarifies that his children’s lives are not under his control, however fiercely he loves them.
After David returns home from the hospital
Nic and Z. Relapse Together
Nic calls David and admits that he and [Z.](entity:character-recall-character-z-463766e97633) have been using [Methamphetamine](entity:object-recall-object-methamphetamine-a86806198dfb) and heroin after a period of sobriety. He says that the relapse began when Z. used and that he followed her, then claims he will stop.
David recognizes the familiar pattern of promises and fear. Nic’s use soon undermines his work, friendships, and housing, while David tries to maintain a boundary between loving his son and trying to manage his recovery for him.
During Nic and Z.’s worsening relapse
Vicki Sees Nic’s Condition
[Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9) visits Nic at his apartment in [Hollywood](entity:location-recall-location-hollywood-3ce8b1af5069) and finds a filthy, flooded room and a son who is gaunt, trembling, and almost unrecognizable. [Z.](entity:character-recall-character-z-463766e97633) is there too, and Nic insists that they have finished using and are getting sober.
Nic asks his mother to leave. Vicki is devastated by what she has seen, and her account confirms that Nic’s condition is far worse than his reassuring messages suggested.
After Vicki’s visit to Hollywood
The Family Faces Nic’s Relapse
David and [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9) weigh whether to try an intervention or another treatment program. David receives conflicting advice, but [Richard Rawson](entity:character-recall-character-richard-rawson-3bec159fa049) tells him that an intervention may help move a resistant person into treatment, even though it cannot guarantee recovery.
Nic claims that he and [Z.](entity:character-recall-character-z-463766e97633) have finished their drugs and made a vow to stop, repeating promises the family has heard before. David begins contacting interventionists while also trying to maintain his life with [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90), [Jasper](entity:character-recall-character-jasper-a1e1f2fe4259), and [Daisy](entity:character-recall-character-daisy-bd3669936505).
Several days after Nic claims to be sober
Nic’s Oakland Crisis
Nic’s godfather and [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9) receive alarming calls from Nic, who says he and [Z.](entity:character-recall-character-z-463766e97633) are in trouble in [Oakland](entity:location-recall-location-oakland-479b7c0dace1) and need money to get back to [Los Angeles](entity:location-recall-location-los-angeles-11eff639bdf5). David learns that Nic has lied about being in Joshua Tree and is staying with a crack user.
The episode exposes how addiction’s deception spreads through the family and its friends. David refuses to send money without treatment as a condition, while fearing that Nic may be in immediate danger.
The morning after Nic’s Oakland calls
Nic Breaks into Vicki’s Home
[Z.](entity:character-recall-character-z-463766e97633) tells David that Nic left her at a market and went to his mother’s house, intending to break in and steal a computer. [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9) soon discovers Nic locked inside her garage, where he is ranting and collecting belongings in shopping bags.
Vicki offers him a choice between police involvement and treatment. Nic agrees to seek help, but the crisis makes clear that his [Methamphetamine](entity:object-recall-object-methamphetamine-a86806198dfb) use has reached a dangerous, psychotic stage.
Days after the garage break-in
The Family Sends Nic to Santa Fe
Nic first agrees to go to [Hazelden](entity:location-recall-location-hazelden-aea60b531cad) in Oregon, but the center unexpectedly refuses his admission. David and [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9) scramble to find another option and arrange for Nic to detox at a hospital in the San Fernando Valley.
After several days of severe withdrawal, Nic says he cannot do it alone and agrees to enter a longer program. His mother takes him to the airport, and he flies to the [Life Healing Center](entity:location-recall-location-life-healing-center-446dd7135d07) in [Santa Fe](entity:location-recall-location-santa-fe-ef80121842d3) for treatment.
During Nic’s treatment in Santa Fe
A Family Therapy Weekend
David and [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9) travel to the [Life Healing Center](entity:location-recall-location-life-healing-center-446dd7135d07) for family therapy. In an art exercise, Nic draws an anatomical heart surrounded by anguished faces, David makes an image that evokes his brain and its contents spilling out, and Vicki’s work shifts from a hopeful scene to dark strokes.
The exercise brings the parents face to face with Nic’s pain and their own, without offering a simple cure. Together they map dangers and concrete steps for recovery, recognizing that they can support Nic but cannot do the work in his place.
After the Santa Fe family weekend
The Family Sets New Boundaries
At home, David, [Karen](entity:character-recall-character-karen-5edf61fe2c90), [Jasper](entity:character-recall-character-jasper-a1e1f2fe4259), and [Daisy](entity:character-recall-character-daisy-bd3669936505) meet with a family therapist to talk about Nic’s addiction and its effect on everyone. The therapist gives the children language for loving Nic while also fearing or resenting what he has done, and helps the family recognize that each phone call can trigger panic.
David begins turning off his phone at set times and arranging regular conversations rather than remaining on constant alert. These small boundaries represent a first step toward recovery for the family as well as for Nic.
After David’s brain hemorrhage and the Santa Fe treatment
David Begins His Own Recovery
David increases his therapy, continues attending [Al-Anon](entity:organization-recall-organization-al-anon-93c00a8ba61a), and begins examining why Nic’s repeated crises have become safer to focus on than his own life. He recognizes the cost of making his well-being dependent on Nic’s sobriety.
He accepts that he cannot control or cure Nic’s addiction, though he remains uncertain about how much his own choices contributed to it. The shift does not lessen his love; it begins to make room for a relationship based on boundaries rather than rescue.
After completing three months in treatment
Nic Leaves Santa Fe
Nic’s counselors recommend that he continue in a longer program in northern Arizona, but he declines, saying he needs to get on with his life. He takes a bus east to visit a friend from treatment, and David initially worries that the decision will lead to another relapse.
The two eventually resume talking regularly. Nic finds work at a café, begins writing again, and shares a home with a new partner. David does not know for certain whether Nic has remained sober, but he chooses to hope without assuming that recovery is guaranteed.
June, one year after David’s 2005 hemorrhage
The First Anniversary of the Hemorrhage
A year after the hemorrhage, David reflects on how therapy has changed his understanding of the crisis. He now sees that years of obsessive worry were damaging his own health and that he needed to focus on his recovery rather than attempt to control Nic’s.
He still carries guilt and apologizes for his mistakes, but accepts that Nic alone must decide whether to pursue recovery. The relationship can continue through love and compassion, with healthier independence and limits.
Near the end of David’s recovery year
Nic and Z. Relapse Again
Nic calls from a treatment-related crisis and admits that he and [Z.](entity:character-recall-character-z-463766e97633) have been using [Methamphetamine](entity:object-recall-object-methamphetamine-a86806198dfb), cocaine, and heroin for several days. He says that he followed her into the relapse and promises that he will stop, but David recognizes how quickly the situation has become dangerous.
The relapse is especially painful because Nic had built a job, friendships, and a life he said he loved. David realizes that these outward supports cannot by themselves overcome addiction, and once again pleads for Nic to get help.
After Nic breaks into Vicki’s house during the new relapse
Nic Is Sent to Treatment in Oregon
Nic again breaks into [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9)’s home while high, attempting to steal, and she offers him a choice between arrest and treatment. He agrees to go to [Hazelden](entity:location-recall-location-hazelden-aea60b531cad) in Oregon, but the center later refuses his admission despite having seemed to approve the plan.
David and Vicki arrange hospital detox instead, then search intensively for a longer-term placement. After severe withdrawal and a difficult conversation with David, Nic agrees to go to [Santa Fe](entity:location-recall-location-santa-fe-ef80121842d3), and Vicki escorts him to the flight.
At the end of the book’s main narrative
Nic’s Last Treatment Chapter
Nic completes three months at the [Santa Fe](entity:location-recall-location-santa-fe-ef80121842d3) program, where treatment includes medical stabilization, therapy, and family work. David and [Vicki](entity:character-recall-character-vicki-8ade952b64e9) visit and confront the injuries that addiction has done to their family, while Nic begins to express remorse and a desire to build a different life.
The book ends without a promise of permanent recovery. Nic is alive and has a chance, but relapse remains possible; David’s hope is now joined to a clearer understanding that he cannot decide Nic’s future for him.
