Running in the dark

“Running in the dark” names the part of Maren that continues to flee inwardly even when her actions point toward confrontation. Repeated in two moments of conflict and decision, the phrase holds together resistance to Lee’s understanding and the pull of escape from the consequences of her own actions.

Meaning and First Use

During an argument with Lee, Maren rejects his claim that she likes the same thing he does. She insists that he cannot understand how it is for her, and the narration turns from her spoken resistance to a divided impulse: “a part of me was running, away from Lee and into the dark.” The movement is not a literal departure. It conveys a retreat from Lee and from the possibility that he might recognize something in her experience. The phrase makes that withdrawal coexist with the conversation still taking place.

Return During the Confession Plan

The image returns when Maren has prepared to approach the law. She has looked up the addresses of police stations in the towns where she did the bad thing, written a confession in her notebook, and made nine photocopies. Though part of her feels better for having done this, another part is “still running in the dark.” The repeated image sets preparation against impulse: she has made a concrete plan to confess, but that plan has not ended her desire to escape.

Narrative Function

The expression’s recurrence links an intimate disagreement with Lee to Maren’s later effort to take responsibility. Its wording shifts from running away from Lee and into darkness to continuing to run there, making the second use feel less like a new action than the persistence of an earlier division. The phrase therefore resists a simple account of confession as resolution: Maren can move toward disclosure while remaining inwardly drawn toward flight.