“Er kan beter ‘had ik maar niet’ dan ‘had ik maar wel’ op je grafsteen staan”
Nieuwe buren“Er kan beter ‘had ik maar niet’ dan ‘had ik maar wel’ op je grafsteen staan” is a gravestone aphorism that makes mortality a reason to live, not a reason to withdraw from life. Its force comes from the contrast it proposes: regret for something done is preferable to regret for something never attempted.
Meaning and Form
The expression imagines a gravestone recording a person’s regrets, then reverses the usual caution against regrettable action. Rather than urging recklessness, its surrounding words make the claim more specific: life should be enjoyed each day, even through the final difficult breath. The inscription becomes a measure of whether someone has lived, not simply a reminder that life ends.
The Scene of Its Use
Steef offers the aphorism in a conversation shaped by bereavement. The others have spoken of holding their own dead baby, and the group falls silent; Rebecca lights a cigarette while the buggy begins to rock as Sem wakes. Against that stark reminder of death, Steef’s words insist on continued living. The ordinary movement of a waking child gives the advice an immediate counterpoint: grief remains present, but so does life demanding care and attention. Peter then asks Steef whether he has ever killed anyone, changing the subject as Steef’s jaw tightens.
