“Never grow bitter”
Out Stealing Horses“Never grow bitter” is Trond’s father’s parting counsel to his fifteen-year-old son: experience what happens, reflect on it afterward, remember it, and resist allowing pain to harden into resentment. Its force comes not only from the advice itself but from the farewell in which it is spoken, the last time Trond sees his father.
The Counsel and Its Delivery
As Trond prepares to leave the village for Oslo, his father tells him that the summer has been extraordinary and that people learn when things happen, especially at his age. He urges Trond to take experience in, think about it afterward, and not forget. The instruction culminates in the words “never grow bitter,” followed by a repeated question about whether Trond understands.
The father’s manner makes the advice intimate and difficult to receive. Standing behind Trond, he grips his son’s hair so tightly that it almost hurts, apparently without realizing it. Trond says nothing to make him let go. When his father repeats the question, Trond answers yes and nods; only then does the father notice his grip and release him with a small laugh. Trond hears the words but admits that he does not know whether he understands them.
Meaning in the Farewell
The counsel is delivered as Trond is about to board a bus for the long journey home to Oslo, changing trains at Elverum. His father first gives him practical travel instructions, then speaks about what the summer has taught him. The contrast makes the advice more than a general maxim: it is offered at a moment of separation, when father and son have shared experiences that Trond will have to carry away and consider later.
The phrase also gains weight from what follows. His father says that he will finish up in the village and be right behind him, but Trond feels that this is not all right. He has heard those words before, and the parting proves to be the last time they see each other. The advice to remember and not grow bitter therefore stands beside a promise whose fulfillment Trond cannot take for granted.
Recollection and Uncertainty
Looking back, Trond says he has thought about his father’s exact words a thousand times. He wonders why his father chose them, and whether something happened beyond his father’s control or whether he already knew he would never follow. The account does not resolve either possibility, nor does it establish that the father intended the counsel as a farewell in that full sense.
That uncertainty shapes the rule’s significance. It is both guidance offered by a father and a sentence preserved by a son who cannot know what the father understood at the time. Trond’s immediate assent does not settle its meaning; the repeated recollection keeps the instruction open, joining the demand to remember with the unresolved loss that makes remembering painful.
