Fear Recast as a Mandate for Violence

Kawashima Masayuki’s intrusive fear of harming Rie hardens into a supposed cure, turning private terror into a deliberate threat to others.

increasingBearing stren­gth in each eventdecreasing

The Cribside Test

Fear at the Crib A ritual of reassurance Kawashima Masayuki watches Rie sleep with an Ice pick in his pocket, telling himself that approaching her proves he will not hurt her. His reassurance depends on repeating the very image he fears: the sharp point beside his infant daughter’s face. A fear made physical Sweat, sensory distortions, and the familiar smell of burning tissue overwhelm him. The old bodily signs of terror turn the imagined possibility into an immediate crisis, even as he insists that he has made up his mind not to stab her. Rie remains asleep and unaware, while Yoko wakes and asks what he is doing. Kawashima hides the Ice pick and gives an ordinary explanation, preserving the appearance of safety while his private fear grows harder to contain.

The Bath Thought

An Intrusive Question A thought without warning While bathing Rie, Kawashima smiles at her and Yoko, then suddenly wonders whether he might stab the baby. The thought breaks his sense of ordinary presence: Yoko speaks, but for a moment her words do not register, and he returns to himself only after she calls repeatedly. Reassurance becomes compulsion Afterward, the image of the Ice pick will not leave him. His internal argument cannot settle the question, because each denial is answered by the possibility that he might do it after all. The nightly vigil at Rie’s crib follows from this impasse. What begins as an attempt to prove his restraint instead repeatedly stages the feared act and makes sleep impossible until he has faced the instrument and the baby together.

The Convenience-Store Double

A Divided Self The familiar separation At a convenience store, Kawashima feels that he has separated from his own body and sees another version of himself among the diaper shelves. The apparition seems to speak with the certainty he cannot summon: it links his fear of Rie, memories of past violence, and the relief he felt after recalling his former lover. Fear redirected outward The other self supplies a stark answer: Kawashima must stab someone else with an Ice pick to overcome the fear. The proposal turns an involuntary image into a course of action, giving his anxiety an apparent solution while concealing the moral and practical choice involved. Kawashima leaves the store with his heartbeat calmed, but the calm is not recovery. It marks the point at which the conflict shifts from resisting a feared possibility to planning an assault on another person.

A Childhood Voice Returns

The Voice Beneath the Plan Old survival methods When Kawashima’s distress rises, he recalls the voice that once helped him endure his mother’s abuse. As a child he tried to separate himself from pain, and the imagined adult voice offered instructions that made unbearable moments seem survivable. A fragile defense The voice returns as he struggles to interpret his fear, but it cannot erase the accumulated pressure of the night. His ability to detach from pain has protected him before; now the same habit risks blurring the distinction between surviving violence and inflicting it. The later realization that the voice was his own childhood creation makes the conflict sharper. What once served a powerless child has become an authority he can mistake for permission, until he begins to claim that his adult self can act without its protection.

The Cribside Refrain

Reassurance Under Strain A concealed decision The morning after his revelation, Kawashima tells Yoko that he wants to use mandatory leave for research in a Tokyo hotel. He gives the plan a professional rationale and does not disclose that he intends to attack someone, keeping the household’s ordinary trust intact while preparing to leave it behind. Words that no longer reassure Before going to work, he looks at Rie and whispers that everything will be all right. The phrase echoes his earlier efforts to calm himself, but now it accompanies a decision that puts another person at risk rather than resolving his fear. The contrast between the tender gesture and the concealed plan exposes the instability of his reassurance. Kawashima can still perform the role of a devoted husband and father, yet his private understanding of what will make him safe has shifted toward violence.

Ten nights before Kawashima leaves for the hotel

Ten nights before the hotel stay, during Rie’s bath

Late that night, after Kawashima leaves his apartment

Late on the night of the apartment confrontation

The morning after Kawashima decides to take leave