Harold and David's Father-Son Bond

The wound at the heart of the novel: Harold's love, fear and failure as a father to David, unresolved until the final confession.

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The Boy Who Swam Out

The Boy Who Swam Out The Current And The Laces Six-year-old David swims out into a dangerous current at Bantham. Maureen screams from the shore, and Harold stops to unlace his shoes. The Fear He Could Not Name Harold tells himself he stopped because he was terrified that when there were no more excuses, he would not be up to saving his son. The fear is witnessed by everyone. The Boy's Question Years later David says he kept swimming because he was already in shit, and it seemed easier to stay in it than come back. Harold's laces are never forgiven.

The Joke That Fell Flat

The Joke That Fell Flat The Unfunny Punchline Harold tries to tell David a joke, and David's face creases. I don't get it. Harold tells it twice, and the boy says it did not make him laugh. Later David repeats the joke in the bath with the word dark. The Awe Between Them Harold feels he does not understand his son's mind. He is in awe of David's intelligence, and failure is the only thing he is good at. The Distance In The Same Room The father-son bond is there, but it is shaped like the space between two people who cannot find a common language.

Cambridge And The Closed Door

Cambridge And The Closed Door The Goldfish Pond In the album there is a photograph of Harold and David peering over the goldfish pond, young man in black and father in tie. They have tried for closeness, but not in a way that is everyday. The Acceptance Letter Harold stands at David's bedroom door and says he hears he got into Cambridge. David stares at nothing and gives a mocking laugh. Harold wants to hold him, but he says Gosh and shuts the door. The Promise Of Tomorrow Harold promises himself things will be easier when his son is a full-grown man. It is a promise that will never be kept.

The Lake District Return

The Lake District Return The Two-Week Walk David returns from the Lake District after two weeks, unexpectedly, but says nothing about hiking. He carries a brown holdall and asks his mother for money. The Fracture At The Core He misses interviews, forgets to wash, and takes pills. Maureen and Harold whisper that he is too clever, that he needs time. They do not say he is sick. The Shed Waiting The father and son are circling the same disaster. Harold does not know how to reach David, and David has stopped trying to be reached.

I Want My Son

I Want My Son The Unsayable Truth Harold stands in a café and announces that he wants his son. Asked for his name, he cannot remember David's name. The horror of his failure is complete. The Shed Again In the confession letter he writes that he lifted David down from the noose but there was no life. He remembers the rope, the hook, and the long time David took to tie it. The Love Behind The Forgetting Harold's breakdown is not a failure of memory but a rupture of love. The son he could not hold in life is the son he cannot name in death. The bond is finally acknowledged in grief.

David at six, at Bantham

David's childhood

David's teenage years

After university, before the suicide

The Berwick café, after the first arrival