Derech eretz

Derech eretz is presented as a system of honor codes intended to govern conduct in Hasidic society. Its lesson in Devorah’s classroom makes respect a matter not only of behavior but of language, and its rule for addressing elders exposes a tension between social hierarchy and personal closeness.

Definition and Instruction

In second period, Mrs. Friedman writes Derech eretz on the chalkboard and tells the students that they will study the honor codes governing interactions in Hasidic society. By graduation, she says, they are expected to know the proper behavior for different forms of social exchange. The lesson takes place in a classroom already organized around deference: students stand beside their desks until the teacher enters, and the class’s obedience reflects Mrs. Friedman’s commanding authority. Her connection to rabbinical ancestry reinforces the standing from which she teaches the code.

The Rule of Address

Mrs. Friedman identifies addressing an elder in the third person as the first and most basic rule. Rather than speaking directly to an older person as “you,” students are to refer to the teacher or principal in the third person. The instruction turns respect into a prescribed grammatical distance: a speaker acknowledges rank by changing how the other person is named in conversation.

Devorah’s Response

Devorah immediately applies the rule to her own family. Since Zeidy is her elder, she wonders whether she must address him in the third person, and considers how such a form would work when asking whether he wants tea with lemon. She has the same difficulty imagining third-person reference to Bubby, which feels impersonal to her. The rule therefore becomes more than classroom etiquette: Devorah experiences it as a demand to let age order take precedence over blood ties and affection. She resists the thought of pushing away the few people to whom she feels close, revealing the emotional cost she sees in a code that formalizes respect through distance.