“I am iron”

“I am iron” is Devorah’s self-protective refrain during the inspection before her first mikvah immersion: a declaration of strength made while she is frightened, exposed, and trying not to show how deeply the experience affects her. Its repetition offers momentary control, but the tears she later fails to suppress reveal the limits of that defense.

The Phrase Under Inspection

At the attendant’s impatient direction, Devorah removes her robe and gets into the tub while Mrs. Mendelson inspects her hair and skin. She feels baited and powerless, yet concentrates on keeping her expression stony. Her thought that she is “as strong as iron” turns the image of hardness into a resolve not to let the attendant shame her. The resolve is enacted physically: under the harsh bathroom light, Devorah holds her knees tightly against her chest and keeps her muscles tense, using the strain to conceal her feelings.

Repetition and Its Limit

After the inspection, Devorah follows Mrs. Mendelson to the small pool, where she knows the immersion procedure. She descends the steps slowly, still determined not to let the attendant see her embarrassment, and repeats, “I am iron.” The refrain accompanies her movement through the ritual; it does not make the inspection painless, but gives her words for the resistance she can maintain in that moment.

Once the immersion is complete, Devorah walks back up the steps and receives her robe. Seeing Mrs. Mendelson’s inquisitive eyes above its collar, she can no longer hold back her tears. The contrast between the repeated claim of being iron and the tears that finally escape makes the phrase both a shield and an admission: Devorah is trying to withstand humiliation, not declaring that she feels none.