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What Are You Going Through

Overview and story

Sigrid Nunez’s What Are You Going Through is a novel first published in 2020. It followed The Friend, Nunez’s National Book Award–winning novel, and continues her interest in the ways people make meaning through their relationships with others. The book begins with a female narrator, a writer whose name is not given, recounting encounters from ordinary life. She runs into an ex at a public forum where death is discussed, observes the awkward exchanges between a short-term rental host and her guests, and is asked by a stranger to help comfort his elderly mother. These episodes form a loose, reflective structure rather than a conventional chain of tightly connected adventures.

The central relationship is between the narrator and a friend who has terminal cancer. The friend wants to end her life on her own terms and asks the narrator to help. As the illness advances, the request becomes an intimate and difficult promise, forcing both women to confront mortality, fear, autonomy, and the obligations of friendship. The narrator accompanies her friend through the last months of her life, while reflecting on what it means to care for someone and on the limits of what one person can do for another. The novel does not turn this situation into a simple argument with an easy moral conclusion. Instead, the surrounding encounters and thoughts widen the story, repeatedly bringing the reader back to the questions raised by the friend’s choice.

Themes, style, and reception

Death is the book’s most immediate subject, but its concerns also include aging, empathy, loneliness, companionship, and the ethics of witnessing another person’s suffering. The narrator considers the difficulty of recording a loved one’s final days: writing may preserve an experience, but it can also feel inadequate or intrusive. That unease makes the novel attentive both to the act of telling and to the person being described. Its movement between conversation, recollection, observation, and literary reflection gives it a meditative, mosaic-like quality. Nunez’s quiet, direct narrative voice is often sharpened by dry humor; wit does not undo the grief, but gives the characters and the reader room to approach it.

The book’s background is also shaped by its place in Nunez’s career. It appeared after the broad recognition of The Friend, yet its focus is distinct: here, the central bond is tested by a friend’s serious illness and a request involving assisted dying. Nunez enlarges a spare premise into an inquiry into how people live alongside suffering and what companionship can mean when it cannot cure or rescue. Her method is less to pronounce a verdict than to make space for uncertainty, attentive listening, and competing feelings.

The novel received substantial critical and popular attention. It was named a best book of 2020 by NPR, People, and O, The Oprah Magazine, and appeared among The New York Times critics’ top books of that year. It also inspired Pedro Almodóvar’s film The Room Next Door, starring Julianne Moore and Tilda Swinton, bringing its central concerns to a wider audience. Its enduring standing rests on the intimacy of its voice and the seriousness with which it treats a difficult subject: it presents friendship not as a cure for mortality, but as a way of meeting another person with care while facing what cannot be made easy.

About the Author

Sigrid Nunez

Life and education

Sigrid Nunez is an American novelist and memoirist, born in New York City in 1951. Her father was of Chinese and Panamanian descent, and her mother was German; Nunez has described herself as having one-quarter Chinese ancestry. She studied at Columbia University and earned a master’s degree in the arts. Questions of family, identity, belonging, and the transmission of memory recur in her work, though her fiction ranges well beyond autobiography into the pressures and intimacies of ordinary relationships.

In 1976, at the age of twenty-five, Nunez worked as an assistant editor at The New York Review of Books. Through a friend, she became an assistant to the writer and intellectual Susan Sontag, helping with correspondence and other work. During that period she also became involved with Sontag’s son, David Rieff. Nunez later revisited her relationship with Sontag in Sempre Susan: A Memoir of Susan Sontag (2011). The experience formed part of her early literary and intellectual life, but her career developed through many years of writing and publishing rather than sudden recognition.

Writing career and major works

Nunez published her first novel, A Feather on the Breath of God, in 1995. Drawing on family and personal history, it explores subjects including immigration and identity. Her subsequent novels include Naked Sleeper (1996), Mitz: The Marmoset of Bloomsbury (1998), For Rouenna (2001), The Last of Her Kind (2006), and Salvation City (2010). Across these books she has shown a sustained interest in the ways private lives are shaped by social circumstances, personal histories, and unexpected attachments.

Her memoir Sempre Susan appeared in 2011. Nunez reached a much wider readership with The Friend (2018), a novel about a woman writer grieving a friend and caring for his Great Dane. The book won the National Book Award for Fiction and was shortlisted for the 2018 Booker Prize. Its success brought considerable attention to a writer who had already published several books over more than two decades. Nunez followed it with What Are You Going Through (2020), centered on a narrator’s friendship with a terminally ill woman, and later published The Vulnerables (2023), her ninth novel. She has also published the short-story collection It Will Come Back to You.

Reputation

Nunez’s fiction is known for its lucid, conversational intelligence, close observation, and capacity to combine grief with dry humor. Her books often begin with a particular bond—with a friend, an animal, or a family member—and use it to consider larger questions about mortality, care, art, and how people live together. The National Book Award recognized The Friend, while the continuing critical attention to her later work has confirmed a reputation built over a long writing career. In 2024, The New York Times included The Friend among its list of the 100 best books of the twenty-first century. Her work has also reached audiences beyond the page: What Are You Going Through inspired Pedro Almodóvar’s film The Room Next Door. Nunez is living; no date of death applies. She is regarded as a distinctive contemporary American writer whose thoughtful, humane narrators make room for complexity rather than forcing easy answers.

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