Shmuel’s Emotional Awakening

This thread follows Shmuel’s movement from self-pity and passivity toward imperfect contact with other people.

increasingBearing stren­gth in each eventdecreasing

The Weeping Student

Sensitivity and Shame Uncontrolled Feeling Shmuel cries at strangers’ grief, suffering animals, and sentimental scenes. Self-Accusation He regards this tenderness as evidence of defective masculinity and wishes he could act instead of merely pitying. His emotional openness is both a vulnerability and a capacity for attention.

A Child in the Hallway

The Family Corridor Constrained Childhood Shmuel sleeps in a dark hallway while his parents and sister occupy the small rooms. Imagined Family He invents more affectionate, accomplished parents and feels guilty about his estrangement from the real ones. The early fantasy of being adopted anticipates his later longing to belong elsewhere.

The Scorpion Memory

Fear and Care The Sting A scorpion stings Shmuel during a hike, and panic sends him running down the hillside. A Rare Comfort At the hospital, his family gathers around him and his sister touches him tenderly. He remembers the episode as one of the few moments when fear briefly opens a path to closeness.

Learning to Stay Present

Care Beyond Words Physical Attention Shmuel changes Wald’s clothes, brings him tea, and stays through his coughing and grief. A Different Response Rather than offer false comfort, he recognizes that another person’s pain cannot simply be shared or removed. The caregiving marks a shift from imagined rescue to patient presence.

A Road Without a Plan

Departure and Uncertainty A Farewell Shmuel leaves the house with mixed grief and relief, taking a cane and a small gift. An Open Ending He heads south without knowing what work or life awaits him. His departure is not a cure for loneliness, but it is a choice to move rather than remain enclosed.

Before the winter retreat

Shmuel’s childhood in Haifa

At about eleven years old

During Wald’s winter illness

Early March 1960