Colton's trauma after abuse at the conversion camp

Colton's trauma after abuse at the conversion camp is not a closed chapter of his past: it recurs in bodily memories, affects his sense of safety and self-worth, and complicates his efforts to plan an adult life. The novel traces both the violence that produced this trauma and the slower process by which Colton, through therapy and relationships that let him retain control over what he discloses, comes to understand that neither his sexuality nor his scars make him defective.

Identity and Background

Colton is gay and grew up in a Mormon family whose acceptance he came to doubt after his parents discovered his sexuality. Early on, he struggles to name what has happened to him and what he is. He tells Amit that he does not know what he is, that he has always known he was different, and that he had tried to hide it before things became ugly. His halting disclosure conveys how thoroughly the camp's judgment has become entangled with his own understanding of himself.

His parents sent him to the camp because they believed there was something wrong with him. The camp, run by Father Benson, tried to change Colton's sexual orientation. The treatment did not make him straight; instead, he came to fear that Father Benson might kill him. At sixteen, he ran away because the experience was becoming more painful and he did not want to die. After living on the streets, he was arrested for vagrancy and sent to Ted House. He was nearly seventeen by the time he settled there, and he had to leave after graduating high school.

How the Trauma Returns

The narrative shows the past returning without warning. When Officer Kimball asks about the camp, fear overwhelms Colton: his vision turns white at the edges, his limbs feel sluggish, and he struggles to make his hands work. He can only ask whether he has to go back. Kimball does not demand an account of what happened before reassuring him that he will not be sent there again. That exchange establishes the difference between the camp's coercion and a present interaction in which Colton's safety is taken seriously.

Later, while changing after work, Colton's appearance prompts memories of the camp. He remembers being subjected to electrical treatment and punished for his body's responses. He avoids looking at scars on his arms and thighs, which he describes as thin marks, and at scar tissue elsewhere. He also explains that the treatment left nerve damage: some areas are numb and others unusually sensitive. These details make clear that the abuse is not only an idea or a symbol; it has continuing physical consequences that shape how Colton experiences his own body.

The recurrence is also emotional. Colton describes having been angry at his body and wishing he could suppress its responses, because the camp made those responses a reason to punish him. He recalls lying awake and wondering if he could pretend to be straight for the rest of his life rather than remain marked as a sinner. Even after therapy has helped him understand the difference between being gay and being wrong, memories of the camp remain close enough to surface during work, changing, and intimate conversation.

Disclosure, Listening, and Care

Colton's account emerges over time rather than as one complete explanation. When he first tells Amit that he went to a camp because something was wrong with him, Kimball's earlier response has already shown the immediate importance of choice: Colton is assured that he will not be forced back. In therapy, Amit offers a welcoming presence and invites Colton to speak without demanding that he disclose more than he is ready to tell. Colton says he thinks he wants to tell the story, and the novel frames that decision as a tentative act of trust.

Much later, Colton explains the camp to Marcel while they are discussing the financial-aid refusal that has left his plans uncertain. He identifies Father Benson, explains why his parents sent him, and describes running away. When Marcel asks what he can do, Colton answers that there is nothing to do immediately and that he has to wait until he is old enough to qualify independently. The exchange places traumatic history alongside current vulnerability: telling the story does not erase the practical barriers confronting him, and Marcel's support does not require Colton to surrender control of his choices.

Marcel's response is significant partly because he does not ask Colton for a fuller account of the abuse. He recognizes what the camp was, stays near him, and asks what help he can offer. Later, when Colton's scars are touched and he flinches, Marcel stops and asks whether he has hurt him. Colton then takes Marcel's hand and guides it back, explaining the nerve damage in his own words. The sequence gives Colton authority over what contact means and what the past is called; Marcel responds to a boundary rather than assuming he can interpret Colton's body for him.

Aftermath, Identity, and Agency

The aftermath extends beyond memories and physical effects. When Sage contacts Colton's parents, they do not want him to return home. Colton believes that regaining custody would have required them to face the courts and scrutiny over the camp, which they did not want to handle. They were charged with something, though Colton says he did not have to appear and never saw them again. He does not know what ultimately happened to the camp or Father Benson: he thinks authorities may have pursued a child-abuse case, but he is unsure, and his therapist and Sage kept him out of those proceedings. He says he was grateful not to be involved and wanted to move on.

That wish to move forward is constrained by systems that judge his present circumstances through formal categories. Though he has spent time in foster care, the university refuses his financial aid because his parents have not legally lost custody, so their income counts in the calculation. Colton is left facing costs he cannot manage. A community-college option is presented at $3,200 for full-time tuition, with a $250 deposit followed by three monthly payments of slightly less than $1,000. Those figures make the gap between an available option and an affordable one concrete. The trauma does not itself explain the aid decision, but the history of parental rejection and the rules attached to his legal status compound the insecurity from which Colton is trying to build an independent future.

At Ted House, staff support him, but his eighteenth birthday and high-school graduation make that home temporary. Colton fears that he will be left with his backpack and nowhere to go, despite Sage's assurances that the transition will not happen that way. James explains that Colton has only a few months before he must leave and that his caseworker needs to see that Sage and Silas have helped him prepare. The prospect of aging out reinforces how little control Colton has had over the conditions of his life, even as the people around him try to make the transition safer.

Over time, Colton's understanding of himself changes. He tells Marcel that therapy and life at Ted House helped him recognize that he does not need to become someone else to be happy. He says other people may regard him as a freak, but their opinions no longer define him. He also comes to regard his scars differently: once another reason he felt like a freak, they are no longer something he minds in the same way. This change does not undo the harm or make the past disappear; it marks a distinction between carrying its effects and accepting the camp's judgment of him.

Narrative Significance

Colton's trauma is presented as an ongoing condition with several connected dimensions: his parents' rejection, the violence of the camp, bodily effects that persist, memories that intrude, and the administrative and material difficulties he faces after leaving care. The novel does not treat one disclosure or one supportive relationship as a cure. Instead, recovery takes shape through repeated encounters in which other people can either respect or override Colton's agency, and in which he can choose whether to speak, accept help, or explain what his body needs.

The contrast between the camp's attempt to make Colton conform and the support he finds afterward clarifies the story's central distinction between care and control. Therapy and the community at Ted House help him name what happened without requiring him to become a different person. His account to Marcel extends that work into intimacy: he can acknowledge the injury, correct the language used to describe his sexuality, and set the terms of contact. The trauma remains part of his history, but it no longer supplies the definition of who he is.