Queenie deletes Tom’s contact details

Queenie Jenkins deletes Tom’s contact details at a family gathering, making a concrete break with a relationship she still grieves. The decision comes not from forgetting Tom or denying her longing, but from weighing that attachment against the recovery, boundaries, and support she has begun to build.

The reckoning before the decision

Alone in a bathroom, Queenie checks that both toilet stalls are empty, faces her reflection, and talks herself through why her life is better, even if it is not yet entirely well. Her list begins with work: after a surprisingly strong gig review, Gina has offered her a regular music-writing slot. It is not the political writing Queenie had hoped to pursue, and the prospect frightens her, but it gives her evidence of a professional future after she nearly lost her job over a sexual-assault allegation earlier that year.

She also names changes that mark a boundary between her present and the past year. Ted has been fired for misconduct and lying by omission, so she no longer has to see him. She has deleted the dating apps that encouraged her to treat her body as more important than her vulnerability, and says she no longer wants to look at men or have sex with them. Recalling the mouths and hands of the men she has encountered, she becomes physically tense and has to breathe deeply before continuing. Her account of progress is therefore not a claim that the harm has vanished: it records both what has changed and how readily memory can bring distress back into her body.

Missing Tom, choosing distance

Queenie admits that she still misses Tom, and considers whether apologizing again, after more time apart, might make him soften. She recognizes that she should have told him what she was going through, and resolves not to repeat that silence if she enters another relationship. Her conditions for a future partner are shaped by what she has experienced: he must not be married, sexually aggressive, involved with someone else, manipulative, or secretly a neo-Nazi. The list makes clear that longing for Tom exists alongside a newly explicit sense of what she will not accept.

She then reminds herself that anxiety can return without erasing what she has learned. The strange feeling in her head and the subsequent disturbance in her stomach remain possible parts of her experience, but she has tools now, including deep breathing and safe spaces. She notes that her night terrors have eased: for a significant period she has not punched her grandmother in her sleep or fallen out of bed. These improvements do not resolve her feelings about Tom; they help establish the steadier ground from which she can make a choice about him.

The contact page and the final click

Queenie turns to Tom’s contact page on her phone. His picture is one she took on their first anniversary, on Clapham Common, where they first met. The image holds the memory of his promise that, whatever happened between them, he would never abandon her. In this moment the phone is not just a route back to him: it brings an old promise of permanence into direct conflict with the life she is trying to reclaim. Queenie decides it is time to move on, accepts that decision, and presses Delete.

The action does not mean that she has stopped loving or missing Tom. Its force comes from the contrast between the hope carried by the anniversary photograph and her recognition that looking back is no longer the choice she wants to make. Rather than attempt another apology or reopen contact, she makes the separation tangible by removing his details.

Returning to the family table

After deleting the contact, Queenie walks back into the restaurant. The warmth she feels is different from the remembered warmth of the relationship: it comes with the sight of family gathered around her. Kyazike shows Diana a makeup video; her grandmother lists her medication to Dr. Manager while Wilfred eyes a sparkling drink; Maggie cuts pizza and offers some to Sylvie. Nearby, Cassandra and Darcy are deep in conversation, and Queenie notices that Cassandra appears to be feeling the weight of it, but chooses not to join in.

The clearest moment of connection comes when Queenie sees Sylvie laughing at Maggie’s remark, throwing her head back and slapping her thighs. As Queenie stands to pour water, Sylvie turns toward her; they exchange smiles, and Sylvie lifts her glass in a wordless acknowledgment of her daughter. The scene does not erase Queenie’s complicated relationships or make the future certain. It places her decision about Tom beside a visible network of affection, offering a present-tense counterweight to the abandonment she remembers and the loss she still feels.