Ralph and Carolyn's Love and Loss

The enduring love between Ralph and his first wife, and how her death shapes his journey.

increasingBearing stren­gth in each eventdecreasing

Carolyn's Illness

The Long Goodbye The Diagnosis Carolyn Roberts is diagnosed with a brain tumor. Ralph becomes her caregiver, watching helplessly as she deteriorates. He hears the deathwatch ticking inside her. The Final Months Ralph takes Carolyn to appointments, reads to her, and tries to make her comfortable. He is exhausted but refuses to give up hope. He loves her deeply. The Death Carolyn dies in March 1993. Ralph is with her at the end. He is devastated. Her death leaves a void that he fears will never be filled.

Grief and Memory

Living with Loss The Empty Apartment After Carolyn's death, Ralph is alone in their apartment. He cannot sleep. He hears the deathwatch everywhere. He misses her terribly. Memories Ralph remembers their life together: the trips, the laughter, the arguments. He remembers the day they fingerpainted each other's bodies. He cries often. Moving On Ralph slowly begins to re-engage with life. He meets Lois, and a new love begins to grow. But he never forgets Carolyn. She remains a part of him.

Carolyn's Final Message

A Voice from Beyond The Dream Ralph dreams of Carolyn buried in the sand, her head splitting open with bugs. She warns him to watch for "white-man tracks." The dream is terrifying but also prophetic. The Voice in His Head Carolyn's voice often speaks to Ralph, offering advice and comfort. She tells him, "It's a long walk back to Eden, sweetheart, so don't sweat the small stuff." Her words guide him. A Lasting Presence Even after Ralph finds love with Lois, Carolyn remains a presence in his life. He knows that she would approve of his new happiness. Her love gives him strength.

March 1992 to March 1993

Spring and summer 1993

Throughout the novel, especially in dreams