Missy's Teats

Missy's Teats are a pair of grassy hills in the riverlands, located between the domains of Houses Bracken and Blackwood. The hills have been a point of contention between the two houses for centuries, with each claiming them under a different name. The dispute over the hills' name and ownership reflects the deep, ancient enmity between the Brackens and Blackwoods, a feud that has persisted for thousands of years and is rooted in a history of betrayal, war, and marriage.

Geography and Naming

The hills are situated between the lands of House Bracken and House Blackwood, near the village of Pennytree. They are described as two grassy hills, and their shape is said to resemble a woman's breasts. The Brackens call them Barba's Teats, after Barba Bracken, a mistress of King Aegon IV Targaryen. The Blackwoods, however, call them Missy's Teats, after Lady Melissa Blackwood, another of Aegon IV's mistresses who replaced Barba in the king's favor. The name "Missy's Teats" is the one that has endured for the last hundred years, according to Hoster Blackwood.

Historical and Political Significance

The hills are a symbol of the long-standing feud between Houses Bracken and Blackwood. The conflict dates back to the Age of Heroes, when the Blackwoods were kings and the Brackens were their vassals. The Brackens eventually overthrew the Blackwood king, and the two houses have been at odds ever since. The dispute over the hills' name is a microcosm of this larger conflict. Lord Jonos Bracken, during the War of the Five Kings, sought to reclaim the hills as part of a larger territorial claim against the Blackwoods, a claim he believed was promised to him by Lord Tywin Lannister. The hills are also located near the village of Pennytree, a royal fief that has remained neutral in the dispute.

Narrative Role

The hills are mentioned during Jaime Lannister's journey to Raventree Hall to accept Lord Tytos Blackwood's surrender. As he and his hostage, Hoster Blackwood, ride past the hills, Hoster explains the history of the naming dispute. This conversation serves to illustrate the deep, seemingly irreconcilable nature of the Blackwood-Bracken feud, a conflict that has persisted for millennia despite numerous peaces and marriages. Jaime's cynical response—that the feud could be ended by killing all the sons of the opposing house—highlights the brutal logic of power politics in Westeros, contrasting with the more romanticized view of the conflict held by the local lords.