Neatness counts

Neatness counts is one of the propagandistic slogans disseminated by General Peckem through the aerial advertising space of Milo Minderbinder's syndicate. As part of his campaign to promote his own image and advance his career, General Peckem regularly allotted a certain amount of free aerial advertising space to Milo for the propagation of such messages in the public interest as "NEATNESS COUNTS," "HASTE MAKES WASTE," and "THE FAMILY THAT PRAYS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER." These slogans, towed behind Milo's planes across the skies of Europe and North Africa, were part of Peckem's broader strategy of self-aggrandizement through the appearance of moral and administrative concern.

The Slogan as a Reflection of Peckem's Character

The slogan "Neatness counts" is a hallmark of General Peckem's personality and leadership style. Peckem is a general with whom neatness definitely counts; he is a spry, suave, and very precise general who knows the circumference of the equator and always writes "enhanced" when he means "increased." His obsession with neatness is not a genuine military virtue but a superficial aesthetic preference, a way of projecting an image of competence and sophistication. The slogan, like his other memoranda, is a tool for self-promotion, designed to make him appear diligent and morally upright without requiring any actual substance or sacrifice.

The Slogan in the Context of Peckem's Rivalry with Dreedle

Peckem's use of slogans like "Neatness counts" is part of his ongoing bureaucratic war against General Dreedle. While Dreedle runs a fighting outfit and is concerned with actual combat effectiveness, Peckem focuses on appearances and paperwork. His directive requiring all tents in the Mediterranean theater of operations to be pitched along parallel lines with entrances facing back proudly toward the Washington Monument is a prime example of his misplaced priorities. The slogan "Neatness counts" is the ideological justification for such policies, which Dreedle rightly dismisses as "a lot of crap." The contrast between the two generals is stark: Dreedle is blunt, practical, and focused on winning the war, while Peckem is polished, pretentious, and focused on winning promotions.

The Slogan's Role in the Bureaucratic Machine

The dissemination of "Neatness counts" is part of a larger system of bureaucratic self-perpetuation. Peckem's office produces prolix bulletins each day headed by such cheery homilies as "Procrastination is the Thief of Time" and "Cleanliness is Next to Godliness." These slogans, like "Neatness counts," are not meant to inspire or inform but to create the appearance of activity and importance. They are part of the "memoranda upon which we rely so heavily to let people know how good we are and how much work we're turning out." The slogans are a form of administrative theater, a way for Peckem and his staff to justify their existence and advance their careers without contributing to the actual war effort.

The Slogan's Ultimate Irony

The irony of "Neatness counts" is that it is championed by a man who is himself a master of disorder and inefficiency. Peckem's obsession with neatness is a cover for his own lack of substance. He is a prick, and no one knows this better than General Dreedle. The slogan, like Peckem himself, is all surface and no depth. It is a perfect emblem of the absurdity of military bureaucracy, where the appearance of order is valued more than actual results. In the end, Peckem's campaign of slogans and memoranda backfires when his own protégé, Colonel Scheisskopf, is promoted over him, and the new commander's first order is to make everyone march. The world of "Neatness counts" is revealed as a hollow, self-serving fantasy.